What is Domestic Abuse?

Understanding Domestic Abuse

Domestic Abuse (which is also called relationship abuse, intimate partner violence or domestic violence) is a pattern of abusive behavior that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over a current or former intimate partner. Intimate relationships are often complex and overwhelming.

If you feel afraid, alter your behavior to avoid making your partner angry or are frequently fearful of upsetting them, know that nothing you have done justifies being abused…ever.

Please read the following characteristics of domestic abuse. Your safety and well-being are important.

What Does Domestic Violence Look Like?

Below are signs that you may be in an emotionally, physically or sexually abusive relationship. If any of these statments describe your situation, please call our Crisis Hotline at 651-645-2824.

Emotional and Psychological Abuse – non-physical patterns of behavior and hurtful tactics used to control, isolate, degrade or frighten

Chronic anger or jealousy; accuses you of cheating
Excessive silent treatment or ignores you
Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you
Dishonors, maligns your character to others
Gaslighting, shifts the blame on you
Exploits personal disclosures you privately shared
Shows distrust and acts jealous or possessive of you
Isolates you from family or friends
Prevents you from taking English classes
Threatens your immigration status or to have you deported
Outing or threatening to reveal your sexual orientation or gender identity
Uses offensive pronouns – such as such as referring to you as “it”
Body shames you or compares you to others
Telling you that you are not a real woman or man
Excessively monitors your activities, phone calls, etc.
Hides or withholds important documents (passport, birth certificate, licenses, work permit, etc.)
Uses threats of harm to themselves to manipulate you
Withholds affection
Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets
Humiliates or intimidates you in any way

Physical Abuse – the infliction or threat of acts of violence and harm

Physical harm
Damages property when angry
Pushes, punches, slaps, bites, kicks, or strangles you
Grabs or pulls your hair
Withholds food or medication
Drugs you or denies you sleep
Abandons you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place
Scares you by driving recklessly or driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs
Uses a weapon to threaten or hurt you
Forces you to leave your home
Traps you in your home or keeps you from leaving
Prevents you from calling police or seeking medical attention
Harms your children or family members

Sexual Abuse – acts of sexual contact, behavior or activity that a person suffers, submits to, participates in, or performs as a result of force, violence, threats, fear, deception or without consent

Uses physical force in sexual situations
Views/treats women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles
Wants you to dress in a sexual way
Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names
Forces you into having sex or performing sexual acts you did not want to do
Insists it is your duty to have sex
Subjects you to unwanted, persistent and/or public grabbing/touching
Holds you down during sex against your will
Demands sex when you are sick, tired, or after beating you
Fails to disclose critical information, i.e., the presence of STDs
Uses coercive tactics, such as withholding of affection to gain consent
Hurts you with weapons or objects during sex
Involves other people in sexual activities with you against your will
Ignores your feelings regarding sex

Reproductive Abuse – coercion, threats or acts of violence, to exert power and control over a person's reproductive health and decisions

Spiritual Abuse – the use of religion/spirituality to manipulate and gain control

Ridicules, insults or diminishes your religious or spiritual beliefs, and/or prevents you from practicing your beliefs
Shames and/or silences you based on religious imperatives;
Demeans your mental health or questions your stability on the basis of their spiritual leanings
Uses religious texts to justify abusing you (such as marital rape, physical abuse or limiting your decisions or choices)

Economic Abuse – coercive control of a person's financial/economic resources and independence

Prevents you from pursuing your education or employment goals, interferes with your work performance, and/or stalks you at work or school
Forces you to work following an abusive incident and/or when it is physically and/or mentally detrimental for you to do so
Withholds money and/or prevents you from accessing finances, threatens or punishes you for spending money
Demands major possessions and property (e.g. cars, leases) be in their name, not yours
Invests your money or accrues debt in your name without your knowledge
Coerces you to purchase items, refinance a mortgage or take out a loan
Refuses to work or contribute to the household and places the burden you

Abuse by Proxy – using or harming children or pets as a means of coercive control

Fails to provide adequate care to child/ren
Neglects Child/ren’s medical and/or educational needs
Harms pets
Threatens to take the child/ren and/or pets away
Discredits your parenting abilities
Contradicts your parenting
Uses the children to stalk, spy or reveal information on you
Coerces your children to choose sides
Fails to honor child custody/parenting time arrangements

“We need you. You are the center of our world. You may have a profound sense of hopelessness, feel defeated, and your world feels shattered – but there is hope. There are more of us who are here to help than there are those who will try to hurt you. We can work together and together we will never give up.”

– Child of a Victim

Domestic Violence Statistics

20 people per minute

are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States on average.

1 in every 4 females

will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.

1 in 15 children

are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to the violence.

Source: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

What is Domestic Abuse?

Understanding Domestic Abuse

What Does Domestic Violence Look Like?

Emotional and Psychological Abuse – non-physical patterns of behavior and hurtful tactics used to control, isolate, degrade or frighten

Physical Abuse – the infliction or threat of acts of violence and harm

Sexual Abuse – acts of sexual contact, behavior or activity that a person suffers, submits to, participates in, or performs as a result of force, violence, threats, fear, deception or without consent

Reproductive Abuse – coercion, threats or acts of violence, to exert power and control over a person's reproductive health and decisions

Spiritual Abuse – the use of religion/spirituality to manipulate and gain control

Economic Abuse – coercive control of a person's financial/economic resources and independence

Abuse by Proxy – using or harming children or pets as a means of coercive control

Domestic Violence Statistics

20 people per minute

1 in every 4 females

1 in 15 children

Donate

Crisis Hotline

Events

SAFETY ALERT:

What is Domestic Abuse?

Understanding Domestic Abuse

What Does Domestic Violence Look Like?

Emotional and Psychological Abuse – non-physical patterns of behavior and hurtful tactics used to control, isolate, degrade or frighten

Physical Abuse – the infliction or threat of acts of violence and harm

Sexual Abuse – acts of sexual contact, behavior or activity that a person suffers, submits to, participates in, or performs as a result of force, violence, threats, fear, deception or without consent

Reproductive Abuse – coercion, threats or acts of violence, to exert power and control over a person's reproductive health and decisions

Spiritual Abuse – the use of religion/spirituality to manipulate and gain control

Economic Abuse – coercive control of a person's financial/economic resources and independence

Abuse by Proxy – using or harming children or pets as a means of coercive control

Domestic Violence Statistics

20 people per minute

1 in every 4 females

1 in 15 children

Donate

Crisis Hotline

Events